I used Food Stamps today, and it was embarrassing.
That’s not an emotion I’m used to feeling.
I had to start by checking whether or not Publix even took Food Stamps. I found a blog by some Publix employee who was lamenting the poor nutritional quality of the food people on Food Stamps purchase- sodas, candy bars, food for other people, etc. It served to reinforce everything I was already worried about.
But then I started to get upset.
I should state plainly that my horse sat pretty high a year or so ago. My wife is a veteran, graduated with honors, smart, funny, and capable. I hold a Masters in Educational Leadership. I’ve got almost 20 years’ experience. But none of it matters. We just can’t find work.
And things just keep getting worse. Our savings have been draining at an uncomfortable rate. Our family has been stalwart in their support, and have stated plainly they will keep doing so, but it’s not ideal. Not by a fair margin.
I should also make it plain that I’m still doing way better than most. One day soon we’re going to be able to leave this chapter in the rear view. We aren’t facing the kind of multi-generational poverty so many others are dealing with. Our family and friends can, would, and have supported us through this time. A lot of other people don’t have the support structure, credit score, and educational background we do. Remove any one of those pieces and we would also topple pretty quickly.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want to be here. If I could change my circumstances, I would. Lord knows I’m trying. It’s a deeply depressing experience. You do all you can, take what work you can get, and wonder where exactly you turned right instead of left leading to this particular slice of shame.
Which brings us back to Publix.
So here’s my takeaways:
· There’s a lot to be said for sanity. For feeling human. If I want to buy my kid a candy bar, or I want a 12 pack of soda, that’s my business. I don’t need you reviewing my groceries to see if anything fails to live up to your expectation. You have no idea what we’re facing.
· As to buying food for friends: there’s folks in a lot worse way, who can’t get Food Stamps because Government. They still need to eat. It also may have been in trade. I can’t pay you to fix my car (which I need to go to work), but I can get you some groceries. Again, you have no idea.
· It is humiliating to use the assistance. I have chosen to be very public, because I want other people to know they aren’t alone. But some people react by becoming defensive. Some lash out. Some give up. Regardless, they don’t need more judgmental glances from the people in their community. They need hope.
· Yes, there are people abusing the system. However, if waste is the concern, look at the top of the food chain, not the bottom. There’s a whole lot more abuse amongst the rich and powerful, and it costs you a hell of a lot more.
· Lastly, and this is important: No one wants to be here. No one looks at the Food Stamps, WIC, and Medicaid and think, “Finally! I’ll never work again. I’ll just wallow in poverty for the rest of my life.” They want out. We want out. But we need help. Yes, there are probably a few exceptions who are planning on wallowing in poverty for the rest of their lives. Pity those souls. Pray for them. Don’t judge them.
As a post script, a quick note to my fellow Christians: Caring for the poor? This is your job. Jesus went out of his way, over and over again, to tell us to care for the poor. The widows. The orphans. And please, don’t tell me the Church should be caring for the poor instead of the government. The Church isn’t. When it does, I’ll listen to your complaints. I’ve worked intimately with several churches. I’ve seen the way they tend to treat the poor and needy. Jesus wouldn’t weep if he was there; he’d reach for the damn whip.
